What? My Girl Can't Let Go Off Her Ex

Dear Bunmi,

The girl I’ve been involved with for years is still sleeping with her ex, who betrayed her with her best friend! He eventually married this friend and my girl was really bitter when we met. Gradually, she got over the betrayal, or so it seemed, until I ran into her ex’s wife and she told me what was going on.

My girlfriend was more concerned about this woman bad-mouthing her after she snatched her man than about how I felt. I love her and would love to make the relationship work. But how could it, when her ex still has a grip on her?

Julius, by e-mail.

Dear Julius,
Actions speak louder than words. Your girl still sleeps with her ex because she still has feelings for him and would love things to be the way they were, mainly because she wants to get back at the rival who stole her man.

She obviously still feels angry, mistrustful and disinclined to forgive the betrayal of the two people she once trusted, but she needs to come to terms with her loss.
Though an affair is never reason enough to end a loving relationship, your girl’s problem is her obsession with her ex.

She needs to accept that her ex is out of her life for good, otherwise she’ll never lose the desire to sleep with him.
You need to leave her to make a choice. I’m sure if she sees how futile her obsession is, she will come to her senses.

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